I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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