Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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