I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
