burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Your penis caused this!
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