Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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