i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
