What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
