Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
