Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
