dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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