Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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