Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So many bounce houses so little time
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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