You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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