is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
