I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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