Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize