When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
