he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
