I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
How's work?
Spinning.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
