You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
