i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He uses pillows to masturbate.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Randomize
