We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
