It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
