Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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