it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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