my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
