I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
