Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
