If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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