I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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