I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
