I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
