so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
