okay pat passed out under dana's car
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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