Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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