Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize