In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
