I cannot find my penis.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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