Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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