I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
