We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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