I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
