id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
