i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
