do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
