if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
