This girl is more easily done than said...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
