I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
