Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the day after is always just damage control
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
