I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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