i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
