I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
