I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
