i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
