I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
