Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
