two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
