I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize