So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Its about making memories worth repressing
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
