Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
