You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
