omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
