Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
