I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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