My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
