I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
