I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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