I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
