It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
