She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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