I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
