I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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