Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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