You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
