I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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