Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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