I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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