conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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