i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
