You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
